First Trimester

My first trimester was unbelievably stressful. I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant at the beginning of March. At the time, I was working as an intern in Senator Gillibrand's Albany office, an hour and a half commute there and back from my house. I had unbelievably bad morning sickness that of course lasted morning, noon and night and sometimes the toll of commuting to the internship only made it worse. I told myself it was only 4 months until the internship was over and that managed to get me through each day.

John and I told our parents right away, and even though they were extremely supportive, I was forced to deal with the inevitable question of "what are your plans for the baby?" The worst part? I wasn't even sure myself. My mom and I talked a lot within that first week and like a mother who just found out her youngest daughter was pregnant, she was concerned about a few things. Her number one concern was my plans for the future and how a baby was going to fit into the mix.

After a long talk with her, I called John up in tears. I was scared. I wasn't sure what I was going to do anymore, I wasn't sure a career in politics was what I wanted anymore, I wasn't even sure if I wanted a career at all. When it felt like my whole life plan was spiraling out of control, I only knew one thing for sure... I wanted to move home and I wanted to be with my mom. I didn't think it was so abnormal for a young first time mom to want to be at home near her family, but I would have never expected the stress that came from it.

John and I have lived together in our apartment for 2 years. We have been together for almost 3 years and like I said earlier, he is the person I knew I wanted to be with. Before John proposed we talked about our future together many times. I had always planned to graduate, hopefully get a job in politics and we had planned to get John back in school and on a path towards a career in criminal justice. I had always told John that I wanted to stay living in the area, even if it meant that I would have to commute to my job which would most likely be in Albany or NYC. He was always concerned that when I graduated I would want to move home, but I assured him time and time again that I really loved the area I am in now and pictured me and John starting a life here together.

Now that you know our background, you can imagine his surprise when I told him I wanted to move home to Long Island.... I don't know why I thought it would go down smoothly, but for some reason his reaction surprised me. He was dead against moving and we fought about it for at least a month. I tried to convince him why I wanted to move, but for some reason "because I want to be with my mom" was just not something he could understand.

I never intended to move somewhere without him. The only thing I cared about more than being near my mom was making sure John and I stayed together. It was really hard, but I realized that this fighting was ruining our relationship and knew that he was never going to change his mind. I decided to stay living where I am now with a compromise that in a year we would move to Long Island together.

When John and I talk about the situation now, he explains to me that he thinks it was my mom who was pressuring me to move home, that I had always told him how I wanted to stay in the area and from his perspective, it was after I talked to my mom that I got scared and felt the need to move home. I don't agree with him at all and I don't know why he can't understand that it was me who wanted to move home, but it is something we just can't talk about anymore.

So my first trimester was very exhausting. With the mixture of morning sickness and fighting all the time, I felt like this pregnancy was the worst thing that could have happened.. When I decided to stay with John, things got a little better... we didn't fight as much and I had the internship to keep me busy. Just when I thought things were okay, it all got out of control again.

I finished my internship in the middle of May. On my last day, I came home to realize that I had been bleeding. I was incredibly scared, didn't know what to do, but knew that I didn't want to lose this baby. My doctor told me I had to give up my job as a waitress and just like that, I had no job. I graduated at the end of May, something I was excited for, but also scared out of my mind. Just like that, I had no job and no more school, my friends went home after graduation and I found myself extremely depressed.

My second trimester proved to be even harder than my first... I couldn't imagine it at the time, but new problems arose that seem now to be much more serious than fighting over a place to live.